At some moments I am happy and normal and everything seems so perfectly ok. But a tiny scratch on the surface breaks apart that shell, and all I see is the grey chasm of my sadness. 


Today was a good day. I read. I got a massage. I grocery shopped. I baked. I . . . suddenly cracked.

After an entire day of ‘Yes, I think I am ok right now!’

It’s a dumb thing, too. I can’t remember what I wanted to watch on Netflix. And now I feel like the world is falling into darkness. Because I can’t do that one thing I meant to do. A trivial thing. But sometimes a plan is all I have.


This is sometimes what depression feels like. It isn’t always some great big horrible event (not a current one, anyway). Sometimes it is a simple disappointment. An imbalance. A wrong turn. An unexpected change. 


Depression is stupid. But it’s real. And it’s really really hard sometimes. But there is pizza and banana bread and a dog who loves me curled up on the couch and my wonderful husband who loves us both will be home soon. So I’ll get through it. It’s just . . . that I’m in it at the moment.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Annika
    Mar 04, 2014 @ 16:27:36




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